As human-beings, we are all designed for connection. We all seek a connection with other human-beings as a baby and child, and continue to do so throughout our entire adult life. Connection can come in many different forms; sexual connection is just one form.
For some men, sexual connections can be very overwhelming. There is a lot of pressure on men (and to be fair on all of us) to conform to the societal and cultural expectations around sex and intimacy. This, along with some distorted values and morals from our upbringing, a lack of good sex education, broken and abusive relationships, and many other factors, I believe men are currently confused about their role as a man, in and out of the bedroom.
With all the above in mind, what often happens to men, is they learn to connect with intimacy and sex as a sexual process, rather than a sensual experience. For many men, sex is a learned behaviour (through the media etc) that comes from their head, instead of their heart. It can be surrounded in masculine ego and macho culture, so it comes as no surprise that men receive so many mixed messages about sexuality, sexual energy, and how to show up as a man.
Many of the men I meet and have worked with through my tantra work want something different. They generally want to leave ego at the door, be more connected to themselves, be more present with life and more connected to the experience of pleasure. Many of men I work with want to learn about connection and many long for some aspect of allowing, receiving and surrendering, whatever that may look like for them.
Men, hear me, please listen. Intimacy and pleasure are a heart-based experience, NOT a head-based experience. The problem comes in that the pressure and focus on sex being a ‘performance’ is making some men ill. It does not help that a man’s genitals are more exposed, external and visitable, which in many ways can make them feel very vulnerable. The visibility of the genitals can create anxiety, tension and stress within the body and the mind. There can be a sense of pressure to be a certain size, have a healthy erection, and maintain it. There is a fear of being judged if things unfold too quickly or too slowly.
All of the pressures from upbringing, size, and performance can create stress, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. This in turn can cause erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and other conditions.
Tantra invites you to grow in consciousness and be more connected to intimacy, full body orgasms, better health, and more energy. It advocates empowerment, self-connection and conscious communication with self and others. This deeper consciousness can be achieved through greater connection to the senses, breathwork, mindfulness, self-awareness and generally a more conscious connection to self. Tantra is about surrendering and being present in your body at every moment. It is being connected to yourself as a man and letting go of the ego and macho energy that does not serve you. Tantra connects you to your feelings, your sensuality, your body, your passion, your intuition and your inner wisdom. For some men, this can sound very ‘fluffy’ and very feminine, but know when you drop the judgement, and embrace the experience, magic can happen in ways you never imagined were possible. Tantra provides a new way of experiencing intimacy and pleasure and provides a doorway to a conscious connection to self and others.
If you are a man who would like to explore tantra, why not join me on the ‘Tantra for the Male Body’ workshop and other events listed on www.orgasmiclife.me