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THE BENEFITS OF TANTRIC MASSAGE

There are many misconceptions about tantra and tantric massage, which are all largely based on cultural restrictions and taboos around sexual energy. Many people view connecting with sexual energy through massage as something very seedy. 

The truth is, tantric massage includes more than just massage. It aligns breathwork, meditation, mindfulness, movement and touch can be an amazing experience.  For me personally, and for many of my clients, tantric massage has been both liberating and healing. It helped me to reconnect, reset and realign my body and my sexual energy and really come home to myself in a deep and profound way. The impact it had on my life was such that I trained and now work as a tantric massage practitioner.

Tantric massage connects you to your mind, body, soul and even beyond into the universe. It caresses the core essence of our sexual energy, and holds space for your life force, and the very centre of your existence.

Tantra itself is not a new thing,  it is believed to have existed since 1500 BC. Many say it is considered to be part of the oldest cultures in our history. I believe that connecting to tantric principles through tantric massage is the most beautiful, honouring and self-connecting experience you can gift yourself.

Many people think tantric massage ends in the act of sex but this is not true. The journey is not based around any destination. It connects you to the core of your sexual energy by creating layers of awareness in the body. It works with the senses, and the mind ,and therefore can indeed feel very sensual. It also connects you into your emotions which in turn awakens different layers of the soul, and sensations in the body. 

Tantric massage sessions can include many things such breathwork, meditation, mindfulness, movement and touch. The breathwork supports you to relax into the space and expand your energy. Breathwork with meditation and mindfulness support you to be more connected and present with your body. The movement and touch also connect you to your energy centres and expands your feelings and emotions aligning you with your inner compass of wellbeing and physical health. There are also embodiment practices that support the session and used to help move energy and release limitations and blocks in your energy centres. 

A FEW BENEFITS OF TANTRIC MASSAGE 

  • Awakens and heals sexual energy 
  • Encourages sleep through relaxation 
  • Touch and massage relieve stress and anxiety 
  • Reduces depression through relaxation 
  • Improves self-confidence 
  • Improves body-confidence 
  • Greats inner happiness and blissful pleasure (happy hormones) 
  • Recharges and energises the body and mind  
  • Heals locked trauma in the body 
  • Teaches about touch and connection 
  • It can reduce high blood pressure 
  • The actual massage supports the lymphatic system, eases muscle tension and relaxes the body 
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The Male Body And Tantra

As human-beings, we are all designed for connection. We all seek a connection with other human-beings as a baby and child, and continue to do so throughout our entire adult life. Connection can come in many different forms; sexual connection is just one form. 

For some men, sexual connections can be very overwhelming.  There is a lot of pressure on men (and to be fair on all of us) to conform to the societal and cultural expectations around sex and intimacy. This, along with some distorted values and morals from our upbringing, a lack of good sex education, broken and abusive relationships, and many other factors, I believe men are currently confused about their role as a man, in and out of the bedroom.

With all the above in mind, what often happens to men, is they learn to connect with intimacy and sex as a sexual process, rather than a sensual experience. For many men, sex is a learned behaviour  (through the media etc) that comes from their head, instead of their heart.  It can be surrounded in masculine ego and macho culture, so it comes as no surprise that men receive so many mixed messages about sexuality, sexual energy, and how to show up as a man.  

Many of the men I meet and have worked with through my tantra work want something different. They generally want to leave ego at the door, be more connected to themselves, be more present with life and more connected to the experience of pleasure. Many of men I work with want to learn about connection and many long for some aspect of allowing, receiving and surrendering, whatever that may look like for them.

Men, hear me, please listen. Intimacy and pleasure are a heart-based experience, NOT a head-based experience.  The problem comes in that the pressure and focus on sex being a ‘performance’ is making some men ill.  It does not help that a man’s genitals are more exposed,  external and visitable, which in many ways can make them feel very vulnerable. The visibility of the genitals can create anxiety, tension and stress within the body and the mind. There can be a sense of pressure to be a certain size, have a healthy erection, and maintain it. There is a fear of being judged if things unfold too quickly or too slowly.

All of the pressures from upbringing, size, and performance can create stress, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. This in turn can cause erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and other conditions.  

Tantra invites you to grow in consciousness and be more connected to intimacy, full body orgasms, better health, and more energy. It advocates empowerment, self-connection and conscious communication with self and others.  This deeper consciousness can be achieved through greater connection to the senses, breathwork, mindfulness, self-awareness and generally a more conscious connection to self. Tantra is about surrendering and being present in your body at every moment. It is being connected to yourself as a man and letting go of the ego and macho energy that does not serve you. Tantra connects you to your feelings, your sensuality, your body, your passion, your intuition and your inner wisdom. For some men, this can sound very ‘fluffy’ and very feminine, but know when you drop the judgement, and embrace the experience, magic can happen in ways you never imagined were possible. Tantra provides a new way of experiencing intimacy and pleasure and provides a doorway to a conscious connection to self and others.

If you are a man who would like to explore tantra, why not join me on the ‘Tantra for the Male Body’ workshop and other events listed on www.orgasmiclife.me

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BEDROOM CONFIDENCE

Supporting people with confidence in the bedroom has become a key part of the work I do. Lacking bedroom confidence can have a devastating impact on relationships, marriages and I have seen it shatter lives. I have coached and mentored singles and couples alike to help them turn their lack of confidence into something that makes them flourish, in all areas of their lives.

Like many areas around intimacy and pleasure, a lack of confidence in the bedroom is not something openly talked about. The truth is, it is something that most of us face at some point in our lives. It maybe in our teens when we are embarking on new a relationship and more commonly in our adult years.

We can lack or lose bedroom confidence for many different reasons, such as, not having effective knowledge, being worried about our performance, verbal or physical abuse, challenges around communication, being naked, poor previous experiences; the list goes on.

This lack of confidence can become a vicious cycle as it can lead to reduced sexual response, reduced desire and the inability to orgasm. You may then suffer with low sex drive, sexual dysfunction, sexual arousal disorder and orgasmic disorder. This can create stress, judgement, fear and anxiety which can have a knock-on effect in other areas of your life.

The emotions attached can cause depression, anxiety and stress and in turn impact on your physical health. You can become disconnected, and experiencing any kind of pleasure in life can feel overwhelming.

Personally, I have struggled both in my youth and in some stages of adult life. At times I found it hard to communicate my needs, wants and desires and have been challenged by key events in my life which have knocked my confidence in the bedroom. As I have got older, my connection to intimacy and pleasure has evolved and exploring new things with a partner has, in the past, come with new obstacles to overcome. When you have a greater understanding of why you lack bedroom confidence, and how you can change it, there is a ripple effect through all areas of your life.

Taking supportive and aligned action to build bedroom confidence can change your whole life and give you a whole new perspective on intimacy.
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CONSCIOUS COMMUNICATION AND CONSENT.

Conscious communication and consent can be complex and I can pretty much guarantee every single human-being, no matter who they are, finds navigating them a challenge throughout their entire life. 

The issue is that we don’t always know what we want and if we do we don’t have the interpersonal skills to ask for it. We don’t always know how to say “no” or navigate communication about our needs, both in intimacy and life. 

Take some time to consider the following questions:

Do you ask family and friends, including children, if they would like to receive a hug before you hug them?

Have you ever been hugged by someone at work and not wanted it?

Has someone ever touched your hand, arm or face and it made you feel uncomfortable?

Have you ever wanted to say no in intimacy and not said it?

Have you ever wanted to stay stop in the act of sex but didn’t  in case you offended? 

I know there will be many YES’s because the understanding around conscious communication and consent is NOT something we are born with. We learn it from early childhood modelling our interactions on those around us.  Many of us don’t take action to learn this skill and use it in our life to have heathier relationships. 

My awakening around conscious communication and consent really started when I started to explore swinging and BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism). I made some poor choices within these lifestyles, sometimes putting myself into some risky situations. I made some very naive and awful mistakes around conscious communication and consent 

I learnt very quickly that I needed to approach my interactions differently, communicate differently and be empowered in consent.  I went through a very steep learning curve very quickly.  It was a challenging part of my journey and one that left many scares on an emotional and physical level. 

Conscious communication and  consent are needed for EVERY relationship we navigate in life. It is the basis of every positive human interaction and relationship. It forms the foundations for all good healthy relationships and impacts on all areas of life.

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YOUR HOME, YOUR VEHICLE, YOUR BODY.

am finding more and more in the work I do that many of us are really becoming very disconnected from our body and struggle to have a relationship with ourself, let along anyone else. We are so busy living our life we have forgotten what we are. 

Take just a moment to think about your home ( whatever that is for you) , your vehicle (if you have one) and your body….

Which one of these do you spend more time maintaining?

Which one of these do you take most pride in?

Which one of these gives you the most joy?

Which one benefits you the most?

Which one have you had the longest? 

Well, I know I have had my body longer than any home or vehicle , in fact I was born with it. I have had my body all my life. Despite this very fact I believe that over the years I have put more effort into caring for my different homes and vehicles than I have my one and only body. This fact becomes a little more worrying when we realise that at any point, we can choice to completely change, trade or exchange a home or vehicle – our one and only body can be tweaked here and there, but it is pretty much a one owner, one life, one chance deal. 

Just stop for a moment and think about all the things you do in your home (and its contents) to keep it functioning and serving you in the best way. You clean it, decorated it, mend it and fix it, make it safe, buy it gifts, and share it with those you love creating beautiful memories.

Now, take a moment to think about all the things you do for your vehicle to keep it functioning and serving you in the best way. You clean it, maintain it, make it safe, wash it, service it and use it to move you from one place to another.  

Then what about all the things you do for your body to keep it functioning and servicing you in the best way. You clean it, maintain it, you may decorate it, make it safe, buy it gifts, use it to move you from one place to another, and share it in intimacy and pleasure creating beautiful memories 

What gets more of your attention, time and effort in a week, your home, your vehicle or your body? 

What we forget is that our body is our home, it is the home to everything you are. It is the compass to all of your health, emotions, thoughts, believes and is the home to the mechanics of your mind. You have a physical body that provides you with a home every day, it serves the best it can without giving a second thought. 

Your body is also your vehicle that gets you around, transports you and moves you about every day as best it can. We may not all use it in the same way, and some of us may have bits missing or not working the same as others, but we still have one in some form or shape that does its best for us every day. 

Do you spend more time caring for your home and vehicle than you do your body?

I am far from suggesting we should care for our homes or vehicle any less but we do need to remember that our body serves us as a home and as a vehicle every day.  When we connect with our body, we awaken our possibilities. When we connect with our body we connect with life. When we connect with the body, we connect with the world.  

What are you doing for your home and vehicle that you should also be doing for your body? 

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Shaking the Taboo in 2022

Something needs to change. I don’t believe it is fair on us or future generations, if we carry on reinforcing the social shackles, and being socially irresponsible, around not talking about sex. 

Our society is crumbling at its very seams with people becoming more and more disconnected from their core essence, sensuality, their physical bodies, and each other. It has to change. 

Our continued lack of openness around sex, sexuality and sensuality is numbing society and creating disconnection, disempowerment and dis-ease for many in their lives. They are numb to the experience of life, the pleasures of intimacy, and the connection to sensuality. They don’t have the language or ability to communicate their emotions, needs, wants or desires. They are embarrassed to explore sensuality and fearful to discover the joys of their own body. 

Sex is still a taboo – it has to be shaken off in 2022

When I tell people I am a Sexual Empowerment Liberator and Tantric Practitioner I am usually met with one of three reactions. It is either one of intrigue and curiosity, or awkwardness and embarrassment, or dismissive with an air of disgust.  My assumption when I started that I would be met with disgust was unfounded.  People DO want to have a place to talk about sex. They may feel awkward, and slightly embarrassed, but most people I speak to are intrigued and curious. 

People need better platforms to discuss sex, sexuality and sensuality and not be entangled in our taboo cultural and societal distaste. Most of us can watch ‘sex’ based programmes on TV with a partner (OMG don’t even start me on how sex is represented in the media) or watch or read about sex, but very few of us have open conversations, even with our partner, because it is taboo and we worry about their reaction, rejection and judgement. 

I personally had a secret life around sexual energy for over 20 years, and having been on my own journey with fear, shame and judgement – I get it. I know how hard it can be to openly talk about your needs, desires and openly explore sex, sexuality and sensuality.

Many of us are programmed to politely follow the cultural values around sex,  and the belief that sex should not be talked about in front of anybody. Many people feel sex should be something very private, in a bedroom, between two people and not discussed at any point. I, on some level, agree and respect this view as sex can indeed be something very sacred, private and intimate between two lovers.  

BUT, sex can mean different things to different people and in a broader term can also be experienced in other ways. Our often-narrow view that sex is about intercourse, and our inability to communicate our needs, around sex, sexuality and sensuality means we miss out. 

Sex, sexual energy and sexuality are not just about the act of intercourse. It is SO much bigger than that. It includes sensuality around exploring with smell, touch, taste, sight and sounds. It is about foreplay, energy, exploration, mindfulness, massage, kink, tantra, even art, fashion, and so much more

In my work I see people living in fear and shame, riddled with guilt and worry, and in turmoil about their sexual needs, sexuality and sensuality and disconnection from their body. I have clients discuss with me things they are too scared to share with a partner.  I watch tears roll down the faces of those who feel disconnected from their body, and support many who have never truly experienced sensuality and the pleasure of their body because they were too scared to ask, or receive. 

Sex, sexuality and sensuality are all about connection, self-identity, self-empowerment, self-expression and communication. They are about pleasure, desire and exploring our amazing physical body – none of which should be taboo. If we can’t talk about sex then we can’t openly and confidently communicate our boundaries and needs. If our needs and desires are not met we become disconnected and then shut down in the relationships with ourselves and others. 

Not openly and consciously talking about sex, sexuality and sensuality is detrimental to the mental well-being of individuals and society as a whole. We have a responsibility to ourselves and the next generation to be empowered in our sex, sexual energy and sensuality. We have a responsibility to start talking more about sex, sexuality and sensuality and shake off the taboo in 2022.

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Mindfulness Changed My Sex Life

I can say without any hesitation that discovering meditation has been one of the greatest gifts I have given myself, my body, my mindAbout four years ago, my life faced some complex challenges. Without a shadow of a doubt, meditation and mindfulness saved me. It helped me manage my day-to-day stress and my feelings and emotions. I was able to approach life with more optimism and from a place of flow and connection.

Practicing meditation helped me be in the moment and accept things for what they were. Things I used to find a challenge became passing moments.

I have really loved my journey with mindfulness and regularly connect with nature, savour my food, be present with my body in the shower and really embrace the flavour of a coffee. The craziest thing is that being more mindful and having these activities has also helped my sex life.

Mindfulness is powerful stuff, but I was completely shocked when I realised it had also changed my sex life. By simply connecting with nature, savouring my food, being more present with my body, embracing a cup of coffee, I learned so much more about my mind and body and all the senses. It had a knock-on effect with pleasure and intimacy.    

Getting out of my head – made me better in bed.   

My sex life completely changed. My insecurities and worries faded away, and I am now wholly present in every moment. My senses feel more alive; sex is a sensual and whole experience filled with pleasure and curiosity. I am expanded and connected to my energy. I feel into my body and savour every second of being present in each moment.

I can communicate my needs better, surrender, and be present with what is and who I am with. I feel more expanded and connected. I am more present with self-exploration and self-pleasure and understand my body in a completely different way. My mind wanders less, and there is no fixed goal or outcome. I am on a journey that has no destination – I am present in it. I feel so empowered in intimacy, whether alone or with someone else. 

Mindfulness in sex is a must and works within the Tantric principles I follow with ease and grace. To find out more, explore www.shelki.com for workshops, courses, coaching, connection and more.

 

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Conscious Self-Empowerment

Conscious Self-Empowerment for Young People

My name is Lorraine Crookes, I am a sexual energy practitioner and educator and best known as The Sexual Empowerment Liberator, I give voice visibility and connect to sexual energy and as an expert in my field, I have transformed the lives of people struggling with poor mental health, challenging relationships, body trauma, abuse, medical conditions, and sexuality.

Empowering young people to live a safe, fulfilling, and healthy life is part of the vision.  I want society to finally drop the judgement, fear and shame around sex and sexual energy. I have supported hundreds of adults suffering from poor mental health, challenging or toxic relationships, body trauma, sexual abuse, related medical conditions, and many other challenges. All of which are as a result of fear, shame, poor interpersonal skills, or a general lack of good sex education.  This should not be part of today’s world.

I am deeply passionate about empowering young people to have conscious, confident, and connected relationships with themselves and others. I want to empower young people to be skilled in conscious communication, have a deep understanding around intimacy, sex and relationships, and enjoy sex as a natural and healthy part of adult life.

I have a background in teaching health, social care and wellbeing. For over two decades I taught in secondary education, eight years as a middle leader. Within my career roles I delivered many aspects of sex education and I am aware of the challenges schools and young people face around sex education.

With this knowledge, backed by my own personal journey of challenges around sex, sexuality and conscious sexual energy, I now empower others to have healthier relationships with themselves and others.

Through my work I have become an international speaker, International best-selling author, and an expert in my field; empowering thousands of adults struggling with their sexual energy.

The ‘Conscious Self-Empowerment Programme’ supports young people in conscious communication, intimacy and relationships. It is made up of three modules that take an educational, interactive, fun, and honest approach to sex education.

The programme empowers young people though open conversations, non-invasive interactive experiences, and proactive opportunities to explore and ask questions in a safe and supported way.

If you would like to know more please see visit the website or contact me for details: Info@shelki.com.

 

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Menopause and Tantric Massage

Menopause and Tantric Massage

Menopause can be a complex transition and for many women. They can feel disconnected from their bodies, sex, and intimacy.   Despite many women transitioning through menstruation, pregnancy, birth, and motherhood, menopause is a unique stage of transition. Every woman experiences it differently, and it can impact on mind and body in many ways. It affects a woman’s sexuality, sensuality, and sexual energy and can leave women feeling a deep mix of emotions, and many women struggle with the physical changes.

In my work, I have found that tantric massage can profoundly help women struggling with menopause to reconnect to their sexuality, sensuality, and sexual energy. The experience of combining both touch, massage, rituals, breathwork, mediation, and meditation can be extremely empowering and life-changing. It can empower a woman to connect with the body’s inner whisper and wisdom and reset the desire for passion and pleasure. I have worked with female clients struggling to transition to menopause to find an inner goddess and radiate like they have never done before.

Clients have found the tantric massage and its practices positively transform their menopause. They have permission to explore their connection with their body with no guilt, fear, or shame. It can also support issues such as pain, dryness, night sweats, hot flashes, vaginal dryness, anxiety, and loss of libido by seeking alternative ways to connect.

Tantric massage gives a woman a safe space to reconnect to her body and encourages self-exploration in a safe and supported way. It empowers communication, supports setting boundaries, and reconnects the mind and body to receiving touch. Women I have worked with also feel empowered in the self-care rituals and in considering new ways to connect to touch and physical connection to self.

Tantric massage supports reconnection with womanhood, helps rebuild the trust in the body, and empowers a woman to embrace her natural sexual self. It empowers her to rediscover her body all over again and helps with a balance of mind and body. It provides a renewed sense of intimacy with the body and builds confidence in relationships with self and others.

When delivering Tantric massage to a woman in the menopause transition, I have been amazed and astonished at the transformation they have experienced. As different as menopause is for every woman, so is their connection with tantric massage.  The one common theme is that in connecting to their body and mind through tantric massage, they connect, or reconnect, to a part of them they often believe they have lost, or they discover a new and exciting part of them to be explored and celebrated.

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We Don’t Know, What We Don’t Know

Thinking we know all there is to know about sex is a big mistake – a huge error of judgement and the biggest barrier to life’s fulfilment. As with anything in life, there is always more to learn, more to experiment with, and more to enjoy. Sex is no different and putting fixed expectations on what sex is can leave us feeling frustrated, disappointed, and sexually unfulfilled.

We need to remember, as with everything in life, ‘we don’t know what we don’t know’.  Sex is no different. Why on earth would we restrict ourselves and not want to know more? Sex is a fundamental, and fun, part of life!

I had a blinkered view of sex some years ago – I knew I wanted more from sex but had no idea what ‘more’ looked like, or indeed felt like. I wanted to explore me and expand who I was. I wanted to improve my relationship with myself, and with others. I was definitely up for knowing what ‘more’ was but fear of the unknown and judgement prevented me.

As I started to embark on this journey, the first thing I came to realise was that I needed to let go of my social conditioning about sex.  I needed to shed my childhood beliefs and the myths I had actively collected about sex. The ones I had carried since my teens that were surrounded in fear and shame.  I needed to let go of the belief that sex was just an external act for reproduction and was something to just create babies or to receive disease and heartache.

The next thing I found was that I needed to open and expand my mind. I had certainly never considered, as I do now, that sex could ever be an exciting, uplifting, fun, spiritual and even a transcendental experience.  I would never have considered that by connecting to myself I could connect to a higher energy and my pure sexual essence. I would never have believed that I could feel life move through me and that sex could awaken and heal – sometimes at the same time.  By having an open mind, I allowed new experiences in and created a change in my energy, and indeed my life.

With less fear and shame, and an open mind now flourishing, I started to consider what my actual fantasies and desires were. I was completely unaware that fantasies and desires were a normal part of the creative mind and human desires. I did not realise that everyone had fantasies and desires, in some shape or form, even if it was not admitted to.

Having explored this further I can confess I have since enjoyed some of my fantasies and desires. I now know that fantasies and desires are indeed part of who we are and simply an exciting twist on life, here to thrill the senses, mind, body and spirit.

The most important thing I have learnt in my exploration is to drop any shame, fear and guilt about sex. As long as it is safe, sane and consensual, no one else really cares what you get up to. If they do care, it is normally because they are jealous, curious, intrigued or interested far more than they are judgemental.  I discovered that if I gave nourishment and light to my sex and sexuality it took the fears from darkness into a healing pathway, and I found other people who felt the same.  By finding my sexual self-expression I became so empowered and confident in me, that I learnt to express those parts of me that defined my very existence.

Whilst I would be the first to remind you that we all have a responsibility in all areas of sex, to set boundaries, embrace consent and actively use communication; I also remind you that we have a responsibility to ourselves to embrace sex with an open mind, open heart, with compassion, surrender and enlightenment.

When I had dropped the social conditioning, I was able to open my mind and drop all fear and shame and explore the great wonders of sex within my boundaries, having consent and communication as my friend and guide.  I researched and read articles and books, talked to other people and tried new things.  I have teased and played with many ideas ranging from tantra to kink. I have found amazing websites, fantastic books and a wealth of information that is at all our fingertips and is available, ready and waiting for you too.

It is probably a lot to know in one lifetime all there is to know about sex, sexuality and fantasies. But what we can all do, is to be open to explore, to embrace who we are and to know that sex is part of the creative human mind and should not ever be placed in fear and shame

Embrace sex with openness, love, compassion, fun and fulfilment – Go and find out what you don’t know!