mindfulness sex

Mindfulness Changed My Sex Life

I can say without any hesitation that discovering meditation has been one of the greatest gifts I have given myself, my body, my mindAbout four years ago, my life faced some complex challenges. Without a shadow of a doubt, meditation and mindfulness saved me. It helped me manage my day-to-day stress and my feelings and emotions. I was able to approach life with more optimism and from a place of flow and connection.

Practicing meditation helped me be in the moment and accept things for what they were. Things I used to find a challenge became passing moments.

I have really loved my journey with mindfulness and regularly connect with nature, savour my food, be present with my body in the shower and really embrace the flavour of a coffee. The craziest thing is that being more mindful and having these activities has also helped my sex life.

Mindfulness is powerful stuff, but I was completely shocked when I realised it had also changed my sex life. By simply connecting with nature, savouring my food, being more present with my body, embracing a cup of coffee, I learned so much more about my mind and body and all the senses. It had a knock-on effect with pleasure and intimacy.    

Getting out of my head – made me better in bed.   

My sex life completely changed. My insecurities and worries faded away, and I am now wholly present in every moment. My senses feel more alive; sex is a sensual and whole experience filled with pleasure and curiosity. I am expanded and connected to my energy. I feel into my body and savour every second of being present in each moment.

I can communicate my needs better, surrender, and be present with what is and who I am with. I feel more expanded and connected. I am more present with self-exploration and self-pleasure and understand my body in a completely different way. My mind wanders less, and there is no fixed goal or outcome. I am on a journey that has no destination – I am present in it. I feel so empowered in intimacy, whether alone or with someone else. 

Mindfulness in sex is a must and works within the Tantric principles I follow with ease and grace. To find out more, explore www.shelki.com for workshops, courses, coaching, connection and more.

 

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Conscious Self-Empowerment

Conscious Self-Empowerment for Young People

My name is Lorraine Crookes, I am a sexual energy practitioner and educator and best known as The Sexual Empowerment Liberator, I give voice visibility and connect to sexual energy and as an expert in my field, I have transformed the lives of people struggling with poor mental health, challenging relationships, body trauma, abuse, medical conditions, and sexuality.

Empowering young people to live a safe, fulfilling, and healthy life is part of the vision.  I want society to finally drop the judgement, fear and shame around sex and sexual energy. I have supported hundreds of adults suffering from poor mental health, challenging or toxic relationships, body trauma, sexual abuse, related medical conditions, and many other challenges. All of which are as a result of fear, shame, poor interpersonal skills, or a general lack of good sex education.  This should not be part of today’s world.

I am deeply passionate about empowering young people to have conscious, confident, and connected relationships with themselves and others. I want to empower young people to be skilled in conscious communication, have a deep understanding around intimacy, sex and relationships, and enjoy sex as a natural and healthy part of adult life.

I have a background in teaching health, social care and wellbeing. For over two decades I taught in secondary education, eight years as a middle leader. Within my career roles I delivered many aspects of sex education and I am aware of the challenges schools and young people face around sex education.

With this knowledge, backed by my own personal journey of challenges around sex, sexuality and conscious sexual energy, I now empower others to have healthier relationships with themselves and others.

Through my work I have become an international speaker, International best-selling author, and an expert in my field; empowering thousands of adults struggling with their sexual energy.

The ‘Conscious Self-Empowerment Programme’ supports young people in conscious communication, intimacy and relationships. It is made up of three modules that take an educational, interactive, fun, and honest approach to sex education.

The programme empowers young people though open conversations, non-invasive interactive experiences, and proactive opportunities to explore and ask questions in a safe and supported way.

If you would like to know more please see visit the website or contact me for details: Info@shelki.com.

 

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Menopause and Tantric Massage

Menopause and Tantric Massage

Menopause can be a complex transition and for many women. They can feel disconnected from their bodies, sex, and intimacy.   Despite many women transitioning through menstruation, pregnancy, birth, and motherhood, menopause is a unique stage of transition. Every woman experiences it differently, and it can impact on mind and body in many ways. It affects a woman’s sexuality, sensuality, and sexual energy and can leave women feeling a deep mix of emotions, and many women struggle with the physical changes.

In my work, I have found that tantric massage can profoundly help women struggling with menopause to reconnect to their sexuality, sensuality, and sexual energy. The experience of combining both touch, massage, rituals, breathwork, mediation, and meditation can be extremely empowering and life-changing. It can empower a woman to connect with the body’s inner whisper and wisdom and reset the desire for passion and pleasure. I have worked with female clients struggling to transition to menopause to find an inner goddess and radiate like they have never done before.

Clients have found the tantric massage and its practices positively transform their menopause. They have permission to explore their connection with their body with no guilt, fear, or shame. It can also support issues such as pain, dryness, night sweats, hot flashes, vaginal dryness, anxiety, and loss of libido by seeking alternative ways to connect.

Tantric massage gives a woman a safe space to reconnect to her body and encourages self-exploration in a safe and supported way. It empowers communication, supports setting boundaries, and reconnects the mind and body to receiving touch. Women I have worked with also feel empowered in the self-care rituals and in considering new ways to connect to touch and physical connection to self.

Tantric massage supports reconnection with womanhood, helps rebuild the trust in the body, and empowers a woman to embrace her natural sexual self. It empowers her to rediscover her body all over again and helps with a balance of mind and body. It provides a renewed sense of intimacy with the body and builds confidence in relationships with self and others.

When delivering Tantric massage to a woman in the menopause transition, I have been amazed and astonished at the transformation they have experienced. As different as menopause is for every woman, so is their connection with tantric massage.  The one common theme is that in connecting to their body and mind through tantric massage, they connect, or reconnect, to a part of them they often believe they have lost, or they discover a new and exciting part of them to be explored and celebrated.

we dont know what we dont know

We Don’t Know, What We Don’t Know

Thinking we know all there is to know about sex is a big mistake – a huge error of judgement and the biggest barrier to life’s fulfilment. As with anything in life, there is always more to learn, more to experiment with, and more to enjoy. Sex is no different and putting fixed expectations on what sex is can leave us feeling frustrated, disappointed, and sexually unfulfilled.

We need to remember, as with everything in life, ‘we don’t know what we don’t know’.  Sex is no different. Why on earth would we restrict ourselves and not want to know more? Sex is a fundamental, and fun, part of life!

I had a blinkered view of sex some years ago – I knew I wanted more from sex but had no idea what ‘more’ looked like, or indeed felt like. I wanted to explore me and expand who I was. I wanted to improve my relationship with myself, and with others. I was definitely up for knowing what ‘more’ was but fear of the unknown and judgement prevented me.

As I started to embark on this journey, the first thing I came to realise was that I needed to let go of my social conditioning about sex.  I needed to shed my childhood beliefs and the myths I had actively collected about sex. The ones I had carried since my teens that were surrounded in fear and shame.  I needed to let go of the belief that sex was just an external act for reproduction and was something to just create babies or to receive disease and heartache.

The next thing I found was that I needed to open and expand my mind. I had certainly never considered, as I do now, that sex could ever be an exciting, uplifting, fun, spiritual and even a transcendental experience.  I would never have considered that by connecting to myself I could connect to a higher energy and my pure sexual essence. I would never have believed that I could feel life move through me and that sex could awaken and heal – sometimes at the same time.  By having an open mind, I allowed new experiences in and created a change in my energy, and indeed my life.

With less fear and shame, and an open mind now flourishing, I started to consider what my actual fantasies and desires were. I was completely unaware that fantasies and desires were a normal part of the creative mind and human desires. I did not realise that everyone had fantasies and desires, in some shape or form, even if it was not admitted to.

Having explored this further I can confess I have since enjoyed some of my fantasies and desires. I now know that fantasies and desires are indeed part of who we are and simply an exciting twist on life, here to thrill the senses, mind, body and spirit.

The most important thing I have learnt in my exploration is to drop any shame, fear and guilt about sex. As long as it is safe, sane and consensual, no one else really cares what you get up to. If they do care, it is normally because they are jealous, curious, intrigued or interested far more than they are judgemental.  I discovered that if I gave nourishment and light to my sex and sexuality it took the fears from darkness into a healing pathway, and I found other people who felt the same.  By finding my sexual self-expression I became so empowered and confident in me, that I learnt to express those parts of me that defined my very existence.

Whilst I would be the first to remind you that we all have a responsibility in all areas of sex, to set boundaries, embrace consent and actively use communication; I also remind you that we have a responsibility to ourselves to embrace sex with an open mind, open heart, with compassion, surrender and enlightenment.

When I had dropped the social conditioning, I was able to open my mind and drop all fear and shame and explore the great wonders of sex within my boundaries, having consent and communication as my friend and guide.  I researched and read articles and books, talked to other people and tried new things.  I have teased and played with many ideas ranging from tantra to kink. I have found amazing websites, fantastic books and a wealth of information that is at all our fingertips and is available, ready and waiting for you too.

It is probably a lot to know in one lifetime all there is to know about sex, sexuality and fantasies. But what we can all do, is to be open to explore, to embrace who we are and to know that sex is part of the creative human mind and should not ever be placed in fear and shame

Embrace sex with openness, love, compassion, fun and fulfilment – Go and find out what you don’t know!

 

 

sex chakra

Sex Chakra’s – Root and Sacral Energy

The Chakra System is made up of seven spinning energy centres. They all care for different aspects of our physical, mental, and spiritual health. The first and second energy centres, chakras support your sex life.

The first chakra, the root support, is located at the base of the spine. It is the foundation of the human energy system and governs basic human needs around safety, security, survival and connection to the earth, it is also linked to your carnal desires. If you are out of balance at the root chakra it can result in fear and be difficult to open yourself up to intimacy.  if this chakra is in balance we feel complete, whole, safe, worthy and connected.  We fell connected to ourselves and each other and fell grounds and present in life. Going walking with bare feet can help balance this chakra. Connecting with nature, walking by the sea, a hike or long walk can help connect you to your root chakra and ground you. Grounding down makes us feel safe and less fearful, which opens us up to intimacy. A healthy and open root chakra is required for all sexual connections because of you are not feeling safe and secure, you will struggle to connect and to share our energies in a meaningful, healthy and connecting way.

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The second chakra, the sacrel, is located at the lower abdomen, genitals, and womb. It’s connected to desire, pleasure, creativity, passion, money, intimacy, sexuality, and procreation. If you are out of balance it can lead to a cooling of sensuality and creates physical health conditions.  Guilt can prevent a happy healthy sex life, especially if we link sex to shame, which can come from our childhood. Balancing of the Sacral Chakra allows us to improve our relationships with ourselves and others.

Often people can have a distorted sacral chakra as they consume media and images that tell us what sexy is and pornography which can replace a need for connection and intimacy with themselves or another. All types of trauma can also shut down this chakra and people can even suffer lower back pain, lower gastrointestinal problems, decrease in libido, lack of creativity and passion, addictive behaviours and isolative behaviour

To improve the sacrel chakra its best to ensure you live, work and play in a state of pleasure. This is not just sexual pleasure but all types such as eating favourite foods, yummy hot bath, massages, long walks, dancing and meeting friends.  It is possible to rebalance the sacral chakra by forgiving yourself and others, and accepting yourself as a sexual being.

Both of these chakras are core energy centres for out sexuality, sensuality and sexual energy and therefore a fundamental part of any relationship with have with ourself or someone else.

 

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Communicating During Intimacy

Talking about your likes and dislikes in life is quite easy until it comes to talking about intimacy. Many of us find it hard to express what we want in intimacy because we don’t want to upset or offend the person we are with. We might be worried about being rejected and can find it difficult and awkward to talk about what we want.Despite it being difficult to talk about, it is very important to be able to express ourselves in intimacy. Talking about things before, during, or afterwards can greatly improve the experience and also help explore boundaries and consent.

Communication Tips

Be patient and understanding when exploring and try not to make anyone feel inadequate.

Be positive in sharing instead – focus on how you do want to explore rather than creating a list of dont’s.

Be clear about what you want, so your partner does not have to second guess or try to read your mind

Support a partner and guide their hands on your body and show them how and where you want to be touched.

Agree to always hold space for the other to say no to anything you don’t feel comfortable with, without judgment

Be open to new things and don’t judge a partners interests or desires when they share – We are creative human beings.

Tell your partner if you’re hurting or in pain. Honour them and yourself by being honest.

 

 

sex and meditation

Sex and Meditation

Meditation and sex may not seem to go together but there is surprising news……they do! Meditation and using the breath can actually improve a persons sex life in a big way.Meditation and using the breath in meditation has been part of my personal journey and self-discovery. It is also something that when typed into Google, it can lead to some interesting reading and research!

Our mental state in sex is very important and so is being present with the experience. Meditation has been found to increase desires, arousal and lubrication particularly for women and also help all of us switch off from every day life while being present with intimacy.Sex can often become something we do on auto pilot, a bit like when we drive a car. You know the day, and we have all done it, when you are driving and arrive somewhere and have no idea how you got there – in fact you don’t even remember getting in the car, driving it, changing gear or parking…….ever done that in sex?

We can all have times when we are so pre- wired to do things the same way that we don’t even worry that we are not present with the experience. Sex, like many aspects of life can become a routine, we can just run on auto pilot and not be present in honouring ourself, or our partner.It doesn’t matter if you are alone in intimacy, or with someone.  Being present with your amazing body is a great way to start being becoming more connected. You can do this by focusing on your breath and don’t wait to start – you can practice this during the day at any time to allow it to become a habit. Let’s face it, we need to be more present in many aspects of life.Concentrate on the flow of air through your nose and mouth, the feeling of the belly rising and falling. If you do notice that your mind has wandered you can bring yourself back to your body with the breath.Anchor yourself into a moment and be present with sensations in your body and be present moment to moment, if you practice the breath, you can retrain yourself and then do it without any conscious thought.Being present with the breath is a form of meditation and this can reduce the amount of cortisol in the brain, reducing stress and increasing libido.

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EXAMPLES

Exercise One – Allow your chest to expand. Take a deep inhalation through your nose. Retain your breath for a count of 5. Slowly release your breath by exhaling through your nose.

Exercise Two – Inhale for a count of 5. Exhale for a count of 5.

Exercise Three – Keep the mouth closed, inhale slowly through your nose for 2 counts. Shape your lips as though you were going to whistle and exhale slowly by blowing air through your lips for a count of 4.

 

 

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My Daily Self Care D0’s

There was a time in my life when I thought those who ranted about self-care were lazy selfish people who were just into the fluffy mushy stuff as a way to avoid hard work and the real world. I don’t think that any more – in fact understanding self care probably saved me from being very ill.

Learning about self-care showed and helped me to slow down, be present in my life and most of all – how to be happy. It is now something I do every single day, to get me in flow so I can be the best possible version of me. I now believe it is selfish NOT to carry out self-care because when I care for myself, I can help others in a more productive and supportive way.

For me having good self-care is now a non negotiable – it is an everyday MUST ! 
My 12 personal daily self-care DO’s are all based around things I NEVER did for myself before, but honour myself with now.  Maybe there are a couple you can add into your self-care!

LORRAINE ‘S DAILY DO’s 

  1. I start each day saying good morning to myself and smile
  2. I have breakfast
  3. I treat my physical body with appreciation – walk – dance – move – stretch
  4. I don’t compare myself to others – love me for me
  5. I practice breath work, meditation and/or mindfulness
  6. I never believe all my thoughts – some trick me into staying small and safe – that’s boring 😉
  7. I celebrate my wins in life – big and small 😉
  8. I do what makes me happy and lights me up EVERYDAY
  9. I treat others as I would want to be treated
  10. I am patient with myself – I am ever evolving
  11. I remember I can say no (with love) – if I don’t – my yes is worthless
  12. I write things down – diary, journal and I love a list 😉

 

 

 

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Crystals, Chakras and Tantric Massage

I have used crystals in my own life for many years and sometimes include them in my Tantric Massage sessions.

I place them on my altar, ask clients to hold them in a session, meditate with them, and place them on blocked chakras and even massage with them.  Crystals have a vibration and frequency and as a result of their molecular structure can absorb negative energies, much the same as humans. Just holding crystals and connecting to what you want can awaken your energy centres (known as chakras) and create a flow of energy that supports you.

Crystals can work through the blocks sending vitalizing energy directly to the chakras and freeing us from old stagnant, tried and negative energy.

When working with sensual and sexual energy it is important to unblock and recharge both the base/root chakra and sacral chakra because they harness and house the key to our sexual energy.  The heart chakra is also important for love and connection.

Different crystals can connect with different chakras, normally based on their colour. The base/root chakra works with mainly red crystals. It is situated at the base of the spine, closest to the earth and houses the “kundalini” life force. It helps us with being grounded and works with the mantra ‘ I exist’ and honours living life proudly

The sacral chakra works with mainly orange crystals and is situated  in the lower abdomen. It is connected to passion, sexuality, intimacy, pleasure, money, creativity, and joy. When balanced, it allows us to improve our relationships with ourselves, and others. The sacral Chakra mantra is ‘I desire’ and honours living your passion.

The heart chakra works with mainly green and also pink crystals and is situated in the heart centre. It is connected to love and compassion and when flowing freely it supports healthy relationships and connection. The heart chakra mantra is ‘ I love’ and honours being open to receive love.

Some crystals that support sensuality and sexuality include:
Red Jasper
Invigorates the libido and prolongs sexual excitement (male). 
Orange Carnelian
Recharges the sacral chakra energy, enhancing sexuality and restores vitality to the sex organs (female).
Dark Red Garnet
Dissolves any blockages that might exist in your lower chakras. 
Pink Rose Quartz
Opens the heart to love and trust between partners. It also helps increase self-love.
Smoky Quartz
Helps you accept that sex is normal, healthy and enjoyable. It helps to cleanse your sexual centres so that energy can flow freely.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Erectile Dysfunction

Having a condition that challenges his masculinity and his power, strength, control and vigour can be devastating. I have worked with many men who have suffered with erectile dysfunction and many have said it is in many ways worse than a marriage break up or losing a job. It impacts on not what they are but who they are. As a woman, I have no equivalent or comparison to arousal, orgasm and penetrative sex being all centred around having a hard penis. I don’t feel my sexual identify is judged on my sexual arousal or the physical structure of my genitals.

For me as a woman these things do not determine my pleasure or my performance.  For a man this is very different.  Erectile dysfunction challenges men’s masculinity and causes a lot of anxiety, fear and shame. Some men try medical approaches such as Viagra, penile implants or vacuum devices or other more alternative approaches such as hypnosis and acupuncture. These approaches can often be found to alter the stiffness, but don’t address the deeper issues around connection to self, mind-set, behaviour and self-awareness. They don’t address the energy or the cause.  From an energy perspective, erectile dysfunction is based around the emotion of guilt and shame and a lack of connection with the penis.

Energetically this can be linked to a number of things.

Examples include:

  • Unconscious thoughts and connections relating to childhood.
  • Relationships that challenge performance in any area life.
  • Relationships that challenge Feeling of being unsuccessful.
  • Feeling of weakness, guilt and shame when connecting to feminine qualities
  • Feel invalidated as a man.
  • Feeling a failure if/when their energy is controlled by the feminine.
  • Feeling that they can’t break away from a situation for fear of having no connection.
  • Feeling disconnected from being able to express themselves in sex.
  • Needs, wants and desires are challenged.

A combination of tantric massage, mindfulness, breath work, energy work and coaching can help change this.  As a practitioner I use the Energy Alignment Method and other energy modalities to help people change thoughts and beliefs and tantric massage and mindfulness to help reconnect back to the body. The emotions can be triggered at any time and can detach us from our body and cause dis-ease. These tools explore the energy behind the condition and help change the anatomical make up that causes such physical conditions.  If you would like to know more about how Shelki supports men with erectile dysfunction please email: info@shelki.com