Orgasmic Life – Page 2 – Orgasmic Life

CONSCIOUS COMMUNICATION AND CONSENT.

Conscious communication and consent can be complex and I can pretty much guarantee every single human-being, no matter who they are, finds navigating them a challenge throughout their entire life.

The issue is that we don’t always know what we want and if we do we don’t have the interpersonal skills to ask for it. We don’t always know how to say “no” or navigate communication about our needs, both in intimacy and life.

Take some time to consider the following questions:

Do you ask family and friends, including children, if they would like to receive a hug before you hug them?

Have you ever been hugged by someone at work and not wanted it?

Has someone ever touched your hand, arm or face and it made you feel uncomfortable?

Have you ever wanted to say no in intimacy and not said it?

Have you ever wanted to stay stop in the act of sex but didn’t in case you offended?

I know there will be many YES’s because the understanding around conscious communication and consent is NOT something we are born with. We learn it from early childhood modelling our interactions on those around us. Many of us don’t take action to learn this skill and use it in our life to have heathier relationships.

My awakening around conscious communication and consent really started when I started to explore swinging and BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism). I made some poor choices within these lifestyles, sometimes putting myself into some risky situations. I made some very naive and awful mistakes around conscious communication and consent

I learnt very quickly that I needed to approach my interactions differently, communicate differently and be empowered in consent. I went through a very steep learning curve very quickly. It was a challenging part of my journey and one that left many scares on an emotional and physical level.

Conscious communication and consent are needed for EVERY relationship we navigate in life. It is the basis of every positive human interaction and relationship. It forms the foundations for all good healthy relationships and impacts on all areas of life.

YOUR HOME, YOUR VEHICLE, YOUR BODY.

am finding more and more in the work I do that many of us are really becoming very disconnected from our body and struggle to have a relationship with ourself, let along anyone else. We are so busy living our life we have forgotten what we are.

Take just a moment to think about your home ( whatever that is for you) , your vehicle (if you have one) and your body….

Which one of these do you spend more time maintaining?

Which one of these do you take most pride in?

Which one of these gives you the most joy?

Which one benefits you the most?

Which one have you had the longest?

Well, I know I have had my body longer than any home or vehicle , in fact I was born with it. I have had my body all my life. Despite this very fact I believe that over the years I have put more effort into caring for my different homes and vehicles than I have my one and only body. This fact becomes a little more worrying when we realise that at any point, we can choice to completely change, trade or exchange a home or vehicle – our one and only body can be tweaked here and there, but it is pretty much a one owner, one life, one chance deal.

Just stop for a moment and think about all the things you do in your home (and its contents) to keep it functioning and serving you in the best way. You clean it, decorated it, mend it and fix it, make it safe, buy it gifts, and share it with those you love creating beautiful memories.

Now, take a moment to think about all the things you do for your vehicle to keep it functioning and serving you in the best way. You clean it, maintain it, make it safe, wash it, service it and use it to move you from one place to another.

Then what about all the things you do for your body to keep it functioning and servicing you in the best way. You clean it, maintain it, you may decorate it, make it safe, buy it gifts, use it to move you from one place to another, and share it in intimacy and pleasure creating beautiful memories

What gets more of your attention, time and effort in a week, your home, your vehicle or your body?

What we forget is that our body is our home, it is the home to everything you are. It is the compass to all of your health, emotions, thoughts, believes and is the home to the mechanics of your mind. You have a physical body that provides you with a home every day, it serves the best it can without giving a second thought.

Your body is also your vehicle that gets you around, transports you and moves you about every day as best it can. We may not all use it in the same way, and some of us may have bits missing or not working the same as others, but we still have one in some form or shape that does its best for us every day.

Do you spend more time caring for your home and vehicle than you do your body?

I am far from suggesting we should care for our homes or vehicle any less but we do need to remember that our body serves us as a home and as a vehicle every day. When we connect with our body, we awaken our possibilities. When we connect with our body we connect with life. When we connect with the body, we connect with the world.

What are you doing for your home and vehicle that you should also be doing for your body?

Shaking the Taboo in 2022

Something needs to change. I don’t believe it is fair on us or future generations, if we carry on reinforcing the social shackles, and being socially irresponsible, around not talking about sex.

Our society is crumbling at its very seams with people becoming more and more disconnected from their core essence, sensuality, their physical bodies, and each other. It has to change.

Our continued lack of openness around sex, sexuality and sensuality is numbing society and creating disconnection, disempowerment and dis-ease for many in their lives. They are numb to the experience of life, the pleasures of intimacy, and the connection to sensuality. They don’t have the language or ability to communicate their emotions, needs, wants or desires. They are embarrassed to explore sensuality and fearful to discover the joys of their own body.

Sex is still a taboo – it has to be shaken off in 2022

When I tell people I am a Sexual Empowerment Liberator and Tantric Practitioner I am usually met with one of three reactions. It is either one of intrigue and curiosity, or awkwardness and embarrassment, or dismissive with an air of disgust. My assumption when I started that I would be met with disgust was unfounded. People DO want to have a place to talk about sex. They may feel awkward, and slightly embarrassed, but most people I speak to are intrigued and curious.

People need better platforms to discuss sex, sexuality and sensuality and not be entangled in our taboo cultural and societal distaste. Most of us can watch ‘sex’ based programmes on TV with a partner (OMG don’t even start me on how sex is represented in the media) or watch or read about sex, but very few of us have open conversations, even with our partner, because it is taboo and we worry about their reaction, rejection and judgement.

I personally had a secret life around sexual energy for over 20 years, and having been on my own journey with fear, shame and judgement – I get it. I know how hard it can be to openly talk about your needs, desires and openly explore sex, sexuality and sensuality.

Many of us are programmed to politely follow the cultural values around sex, and the belief that sex should not be talked about in front of anybody. Many people feel sex should be something very private, in a bedroom, between two people and not discussed at any point. I, on some level, agree and respect this view as sex can indeed be something very sacred, private and intimate between two lovers.

BUT, sex can mean different things to different people and in a broader term can also be experienced in other ways. Our often-narrow view that sex is about intercourse, and our inability to communicate our needs, around sex, sexuality and sensuality means we miss out.

Sex, sexual energy and sexuality are not just about the act of intercourse. It is SO much bigger than that. It includes sensuality around exploring with smell, touch, taste, sight and sounds. It is about foreplay, energy, exploration, mindfulness, massage, kink, tantra, even art, fashion, and so much more

In my work I see people living in fear and shame, riddled with guilt and worry, and in turmoil about their sexual needs, sexuality and sensuality and disconnection from their body. I have clients discuss with me things they are too scared to share with a partner. I watch tears roll down the faces of those who feel disconnected from their body, and support many who have never truly experienced sensuality and the pleasure of their body because they were too scared to ask, or receive.

Sex, sexuality and sensuality are all about connection, self-identity, self-empowerment, self-expression and communication. They are about pleasure, desire and exploring our amazing physical body – none of which should be taboo. If we can’t talk about sex then we can’t openly and confidently communicate our boundaries and needs. If our needs and desires are not met we become disconnected and then shut down in the relationships with ourselves and others.

Not openly and consciously talking about sex, sexuality and sensuality is detrimental to the mental well-being of individuals and society as a whole. We have a responsibility to ourselves and the next generation to be empowered in our sex, sexual energy and sensuality. We have a responsibility to start talking more about sex, sexuality and sensuality and shake off the taboo in 2022.

Mindfulness Changed My Sex Life

I can say without any hesitation that discovering meditation has been one of the greatest gifts I have given myself, my body, my mindAbout four years ago, my life faced some complex challenges. Without a shadow of a doubt, meditation and mindfulness saved me. It helped me manage my day-to-day stress and my feelings and emotions. I was able to approach life with more optimism and from a place of flow and connection.

Practicing meditation helped me be in the moment and accept things for what they were. Things I used to find a challenge became passing moments.

I have really loved my journey with mindfulness and regularly connect with nature, savour my food, be present with my body in the shower and really embrace the flavour of a coffee. The craziest thing is that being more mindful and having these activities has also helped my sex life.

Mindfulness is powerful stuff, but I was completely shocked when I realised it had also changed my sex life. By simply connecting with nature, savouring my food, being more present with my body, embracing a cup of coffee, I learned so much more about my mind and body and all the senses. It had a knock-on effect with pleasure and intimacy.

Getting out of my head – made me better in bed.

My sex life completely changed. My insecurities and worries faded away, and I am now wholly present in every moment. My senses feel more alive; sex is a sensual and whole experience filled with pleasure and curiosity. I am expanded and connected to my energy. I feel into my body and savour every second of being present in each moment.

I can communicate my needs better, surrender, and be present with what is and who I am with. I feel more expanded and connected. I am more present with self-exploration and self-pleasure and understand my body in a completely different way. My mind wanders less, and there is no fixed goal or outcome. I am on a journey that has no destination – I am present in it. I feel so empowered in intimacy, whether alone or with someone else.

Mindfulness in sex is a must and works within the Tantric principles I follow with ease and grace. To find out more, explore www.shelki.com for workshops, courses, coaching, connection and more.

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Conscious Self-Empowerment

Conscious Self-Empowerment for Young People

My name is Lorraine Crookes, I am a sexual energy practitioner and educator and best known as The Sexual Empowerment Liberator, I give voice visibility and connect to sexual energy and as an expert in my field, I have transformed the lives of people struggling with poor mental health, challenging relationships, body trauma, abuse, medical conditions, and sexuality.

Empowering young people to live a safe, fulfilling, and healthy life is part of the vision. I want society to finally drop the judgement, fear and shame around sex and sexual energy. I have supported hundreds of adults suffering from poor mental health, challenging or toxic relationships, body trauma, sexual abuse, related medical conditions, and many other challenges. All of which are as a result of fear, shame, poor interpersonal skills, or a general lack of good sex education. This should not be part of today’s world.

I am deeply passionate about empowering young people to have conscious, confident, and connected relationships with themselves and others. I want to empower young people to be skilled in conscious communication, have a deep understanding around intimacy, sex and relationships, and enjoy sex as a natural and healthy part of adult life.

I have a background in teaching health, social care and wellbeing. For over two decades I taught in secondary education, eight years as a middle leader. Within my career roles I delivered many aspects of sex education and I am aware of the challenges schools and young people face around sex education.

With this knowledge, backed by my own personal journey of challenges around sex, sexuality and conscious sexual energy, I now empower others to have healthier relationships with themselves and others.

Through my work I have become an international speaker, International best-selling author, and an expert in my field; empowering thousands of adults struggling with their sexual energy.

The ‘Conscious Self-Empowerment Programme’ supports young people in conscious communication, intimacy and relationships. It is made up of three modules that take an educational, interactive, fun, and honest approach to sex education.

The programme empowers young people though open conversations, non-invasive interactive experiences, and proactive opportunities to explore and ask questions in a safe and supported way.

If you would like to know more please see visit the website or contact me for details: Info@shelki.com.

Menopause and Tantric Massage

Menopause can be a complex transition and for many women. They can feel disconnected from their bodies, sex, and intimacy. Despite many women transitioning through menstruation, pregnancy, birth, and motherhood, menopause is a unique stage of transition. Every woman experiences it differently, and it can impact on mind and body in many ways. It affects a woman’s sexuality, sensuality, and sexual energy and can leave women feeling a deep mix of emotions, and many women struggle with the physical changes.

In my work, I have found that tantric massage can profoundly help women struggling with menopause to reconnect to their sexuality, sensuality, and sexual energy. The experience of combining both touch, massage, rituals, breathwork, mediation, and meditation can be extremely empowering and life-changing. It can empower a woman to connect with the body’s inner whisper and wisdom and reset the desire for passion and pleasure. I have worked with female clients struggling to transition to menopause to find an inner goddess and radiate like they have never done before.

Clients have found the tantric massage and its practices positively transform their menopause. They have permission to explore their connection with their body with no guilt, fear, or shame. It can also support issues such as pain, dryness, night sweats, hot flashes, vaginal dryness, anxiety, and loss of libido by seeking alternative ways to connect.

Tantric massage gives a woman a safe space to reconnect to her body and encourages self-exploration in a safe and supported way. It empowers communication, supports setting boundaries, and reconnects the mind and body to receiving touch. Women I have worked with also feel empowered in the self-care rituals and in considering new ways to connect to touch and physical connection to self.

Tantric massage supports reconnection with womanhood, helps rebuild the trust in the body, and empowers a woman to embrace her natural sexual self. It empowers her to rediscover her body all over again and helps with a balance of mind and body. It provides a renewed sense of intimacy with the body and builds confidence in relationships with self and others.

When delivering Tantric massage to a woman in the menopause transition, I have been amazed and astonished at the transformation they have experienced. As different as menopause is for every woman, so is their connection with tantric massage. The one common theme is that in connecting to their body and mind through tantric massage, they connect, or reconnect, to a part of them they often believe they have lost, or they discover a new and exciting part of them to be explored and celebrated.

We Don’t Know, What We Don’t Know

Thinking we know all there is to know about sex is a big mistake – a huge error of judgement and the biggest barrier to life’s fulfilment. As with anything in life, there is always more to learn, more to experiment with, and more to enjoy. Sex is no different and putting fixed expectations on what sex is can leave us feeling frustrated, disappointed, and sexually unfulfilled.

We need to remember, as with everything in life, ‘we don’t know what we don’t know’. Sex is no different. Why on earth would we restrict ourselves and not want to know more? Sex is a fundamental, and fun, part of life!

I had a blinkered view of sex some years ago – I knew I wanted more from sex but had no idea what ‘more’ looked like, or indeed felt like. I wanted to explore me and expand who I was. I wanted to improve my relationship with myself, and with others. I was definitely up for knowing what ‘more’ was but fear of the unknown and judgement prevented me.

As I started to embark on this journey, the first thing I came to realise was that I needed to let go of my social conditioning about sex. I needed to shed my childhood beliefs and the myths I had actively collected about sex. The ones I had carried since my teens that were surrounded in fear and shame. I needed to let go of the belief that sex was just an external act for reproduction and was something to just create babies or to receive disease and heartache.

The next thing I found was that I needed to open and expand my mind. I had certainly never considered, as I do now, that sex could ever be an exciting, uplifting, fun, spiritual and even a transcendental experience. I would never have considered that by connecting to myself I could connect to a higher energy and my pure sexual essence. I would never have believed that I could feel life move through me and that sex could awaken and heal – sometimes at the same time. By having an open mind, I allowed new experiences in and created a change in my energy, and indeed my life.

With less fear and shame, and an open mind now flourishing, I started to consider what my actual fantasies and desires were. I was completely unaware that fantasies and desires were a normal part of the creative mind and human desires. I did not realise that everyone had fantasies and desires, in some shape or form, even if it was not admitted to.

Having explored this further I can confess I have since enjoyed some of my fantasies and desires. I now know that fantasies and desires are indeed part of who we are and simply an exciting twist on life, here to thrill the senses, mind, body and spirit.

The most important thing I have learnt in my exploration is to drop any shame, fear and guilt about sex. As long as it is safe, sane and consensual, no one else really cares what you get up to. If they do care, it is normally because they are jealous, curious, intrigued or interested far more than they are judgemental. I discovered that if I gave nourishment and light to my sex and sexuality it took the fears from darkness into a healing pathway, and I found other people who felt the same. By finding my sexual self-expression I became so empowered and confident in me, that I learnt to express those parts of me that defined my very existence.

Whilst I would be the first to remind you that we all have a responsibility in all areas of sex, to set boundaries, embrace consent and actively use communication; I also remind you that we have a responsibility to ourselves to embrace sex with an open mind, open heart, with compassion, surrender and enlightenment.

When I had dropped the social conditioning, I was able to open my mind and drop all fear and shame and explore the great wonders of sex within my boundaries, having consent and communication as my friend and guide. I researched and read articles and books, talked to other people and tried new things. I have teased and played with many ideas ranging from tantra to kink. I have found amazing websites, fantastic books and a wealth of information that is at all our fingertips and is available, ready and waiting for you too.

It is probably a lot to know in one lifetime all there is to know about sex, sexuality and fantasies. But what we can all do, is to be open to explore, to embrace who we are and to know that sex is part of the creative human mind and should not ever be placed in fear and shame

Embrace sex with openness, love, compassion, fun and fulfilment – Go and find out what you don’t know!

Sex Chakra’s – Root and Sacral Energy

The Chakra System is made up of seven spinning energy centres. They all care for different aspects of our physical, mental, and spiritual health. The first and second energy centres, chakras support your sex life.

The first chakra, the root support, is located at the base of the spine. It is the foundation of the human energy system and governs basic human needs around safety, security, survival and connection to the earth, it is also linked to your carnal desires. If you are out of balance at the root chakra it can result in fear and be difficult to open yourself up to intimacy. if this chakra is in balance we feel complete, whole, safe, worthy and connected. We fell connected to ourselves and each other and fell grounds and present in life. Going walking with bare feet can help balance this chakra. Connecting with nature, walking by the sea, a hike or long walk can help connect you to your root chakra and ground you. Grounding down makes us feel safe and less fearful, which opens us up to intimacy. A healthy and open root chakra is required for all sexual connections because of you are not feeling safe and secure, you will struggle to connect and to share our energies in a meaningful, healthy and connecting way.

The second chakra, the sacrel, is located at the lower abdomen, genitals, and womb. It’s connected to desire, pleasure, creativity, passion, money, intimacy, sexuality, and procreation. If you are out of balance it can lead to a cooling of sensuality and creates physical health conditions. Guilt can prevent a happy healthy sex life, especially if we link sex to shame, which can come from our childhood. Balancing of the Sacral Chakra allows us to improve our relationships with ourselves and others.

Often people can have a distorted sacral chakra as they consume media and images that tell us what sexy is and pornography which can replace a need for connection and intimacy with themselves or another. All types of trauma can also shut down this chakra and people can even suffer lower back pain, lower gastrointestinal problems, decrease in libido, lack of creativity and passion, addictive behaviours and isolative behaviour

To improve the sacrel chakra its best to ensure you live, work and play in a state of pleasure. This is not just sexual pleasure but all types such as eating favourite foods, yummy hot bath, massages, long walks, dancing and meeting friends. It is possible to rebalance the sacral chakra by forgiving yourself and others, and accepting yourself as a sexual being.

Both of these chakras are core energy centres for out sexuality, sensuality and sexual energy and therefore a fundamental part of any relationship with have with ourself or someone else.

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Communicating During Intimacy

Talking about your likes and dislikes in life is quite easy until it comes to talking about intimacy. Many of us find it hard to express what we want in intimacy because we don’t want to upset or offend the person we are with. We might be worried about being rejected and can find it difficult and awkward to talk about what we want.Despite it being difficult to talk about, it is very important to be able to express ourselves in intimacy. Talking about things before, during, or afterwards can greatly improve the experience and also help explore boundaries and consent.

Communication Tips

Be patient and understanding when exploring and try not to make anyone feel inadequate.

Be positive in sharing instead – focus on how you do want to explore rather than creating a list of dont’s.

Be clear about what you want, so your partner does not have to second guess or try to read your mind

Support a partner and guide their hands on your body and show them how and where you want to be touched.

Agree to always hold space for the other to say no to anything you don’t feel comfortable with, without judgment

Be open to new things and don’t judge a partners interests or desires when they share – We are creative human beings.

Tell your partner if you’re hurting or in pain. Honour them and yourself by being honest.

Sex and Meditation

Meditation and sex may not seem to go together but there is surprising news……they do! Meditation and using the breath can actually improve a persons sex life in a big way.Meditation and using the breath in meditation has been part of my personal journey and self-discovery. It is also something that when typed into Google, it can lead to some interesting reading and research!

Our mental state in sex is very important and so is being present with the experience. Meditation has been found to increase desires, arousal and lubrication particularly for women and also help all of us switch off from every day life while being present with intimacy.Sex can often become something we do on auto pilot, a bit like when we drive a car. You know the day, and we have all done it, when you are driving and arrive somewhere and have no idea how you got there – in fact you don’t even remember getting in the car, driving it, changing gear or parking…….ever done that in sex?

We can all have times when we are so pre- wired to do things the same way that we don’t even worry that we are not present with the experience. Sex, like many aspects of life can become a routine, we can just run on auto pilot and not be present in honouring ourself, or our partner.It doesn’t matter if you are alone in intimacy, or with someone. Being present with your amazing body is a great way to start being becoming more connected. You can do this by focusing on your breath and don’t wait to start – you can practice this during the day at any time to allow it to become a habit. Let’s face it, we need to be more present in many aspects of life.Concentrate on the flow of air through your nose and mouth, the feeling of the belly rising and falling. If you do notice that your mind has wandered you can bring yourself back to your body with the breath.Anchor yourself into a moment and be present with sensations in your body and be present moment to moment, if you practice the breath, you can retrain yourself and then do it without any conscious thought.Being present with the breath is a form of meditation and this can reduce the amount of cortisol in the brain, reducing stress and increasing libido.

EXAMPLES

Exercise One – Allow your chest to expand. Take a deep inhalation through your nose. Retain your breath for a count of 5. Slowly release your breath by exhaling through your nose.

Exercise Two – Inhale for a count of 5. Exhale for a count of 5.

Exercise Three – Keep the mouth closed, inhale slowly through your nose for 2 counts. Shape your lips as though you were going to whistle and exhale slowly by blowing air through your lips for a count of 4.