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TANTRA FOR MEN

I have written about this before but feeling really called to address it again – so here I am.

Men can face a lot of worry and anxiety around sex, I work with this energy alot. Many often worry about the size of their lingam and suffer anxiety around their performance in bed. They can often feel as much pressure to perform in the bedroom, as they do in other areas of their life. 

For men sex and intimacy can become a very masculine power-based, goal orientated energy. Alongside this they may also worry about feeling too sexual and to sexually driven. They can suffer anxiety around understanding their sexual needs, fantasies and desires. 

Sex and intimacy can create a lot of stress, tension and anxiety for men. There is often a constant internal and external pressure which is exhausting and draining. I have worked with men where this pressure around size, ability and performance has had devastating effects on their mental, physical and sexual well-being. It has created so much stress, anxiety and tension in their life that many of them have become very ill and/or had repeated failing relationships.   

When we introduce tantra into a ‘mans’ world we can celebrate the divine masculine power in a new way. Within tantra a man has permission to connect to his inner self, the five senses, breathing, slowing down, relaxing, giving and receiving pleasure. When a man is given permission to let go of control they can discover intimacy in flow, and without ego. They can become more connected to a journey of discovery and less connected to a destination through performance.

In tantra the beautiful macho powerhouse has permission to let ego step aside. He can find a space to be present with himself and ‘what is’. There is no need to control, and no need to always be the giver. He has permission to surrender and receive, which I acknowledge for many men is not always easy. 

Within tantra men can learn how to relax, slow down and be confident with their body. In tantra men can learn how to set aside their ego, let anxieties simply melt away, and enjoy the moment. They can learn how to receive pleasure and surrender to what is in each moment. They can drop the traditional ego based, performance focused powerhouse energy, as it is not required. 

Tantra can help men build an amazing connection to their body, energy and emotions. They can become more intimate in their connection with themself, and with others. It can help men who may feel insecure, have low self-worth and feel stressed. It can also help with low libido, performance anxiety and low body image. Tantra can help reduce stress, help manage emotions, and help relax mind and body. It can release any unwanted energy and trauma, and can be enlightening in showing many of the beautiful possibilities intimacy and pleasure has to offer. . 

I have worked with men and tantra and seen men connect to something within them they never knew existed. Their power found in their very willingness to surrender to themself. 

I have worked with men who have realised they don’t have to chase life because they are life. Men who have found compassion, love and truth within their own being. 

I have worked with men who have expanded their heart energy so much that life as they knew it changed beyond all recognition. Men who knew there was a different way, and found it. 

When a man opens himself up to tantra, when a man can give himself permission to receive into his mind, body and soul, when a man is open and willing to come home to himself, when a man can be vulnerable with his emotions and be present with an experience, that for me is indeed a mighty and powerful man. 

Copyright © 2022 Shelki (trading as Orgasmic Life).

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THE BENEFITS OF TANTRIC MASSAGE

There are many misconceptions about tantra and tantric massage, which are all largely based on cultural restrictions and taboos around sexual energy. Many people view connecting with sexual energy through massage as something very seedy. 

The truth is, tantric massage includes more than just massage. It aligns breathwork, meditation, mindfulness, movement and touch can be an amazing experience.  For me personally, and for many of my clients, tantric massage has been both liberating and healing. It helped me to reconnect, reset and realign my body and my sexual energy and really come home to myself in a deep and profound way. The impact it had on my life was such that I trained and now work as a tantric massage practitioner.

Tantric massage connects you to your mind, body, soul and even beyond into the universe. It caresses the core essence of our sexual energy, and holds space for your life force, and the very centre of your existence.

Tantra itself is not a new thing,  it is believed to have existed since 1500 BC. Many say it is considered to be part of the oldest cultures in our history. I believe that connecting to tantric principles through tantric massage is the most beautiful, honouring and self-connecting experience you can gift yourself.

Many people think tantric massage ends in the act of sex but this is not true. The journey is not based around any destination. It connects you to the core of your sexual energy by creating layers of awareness in the body. It works with the senses, and the mind ,and therefore can indeed feel very sensual. It also connects you into your emotions which in turn awakens different layers of the soul, and sensations in the body. 

Tantric massage sessions can include many things such breathwork, meditation, mindfulness, movement and touch. The breathwork supports you to relax into the space and expand your energy. Breathwork with meditation and mindfulness support you to be more connected and present with your body. The movement and touch also connect you to your energy centres and expands your feelings and emotions aligning you with your inner compass of wellbeing and physical health. There are also embodiment practices that support the session and used to help move energy and release limitations and blocks in your energy centres. 

A FEW BENEFITS OF TANTRIC MASSAGE 

  • Awakens and heals sexual energy 
  • Encourages sleep through relaxation 
  • Touch and massage relieve stress and anxiety 
  • Reduces depression through relaxation 
  • Improves self-confidence 
  • Improves body-confidence 
  • Greats inner happiness and blissful pleasure (happy hormones) 
  • Recharges and energises the body and mind  
  • Heals locked trauma in the body 
  • Teaches about touch and connection 
  • It can reduce high blood pressure 
  • The actual massage supports the lymphatic system, eases muscle tension and relaxes the body 
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The Male Body And Tantra

As human-beings, we are all designed for connection. We all seek a connection with other human-beings as a baby and child, and continue to do so throughout our entire adult life. Connection can come in many different forms; sexual connection is just one form. 

For some men, sexual connections can be very overwhelming.  There is a lot of pressure on men (and to be fair on all of us) to conform to the societal and cultural expectations around sex and intimacy. This, along with some distorted values and morals from our upbringing, a lack of good sex education, broken and abusive relationships, and many other factors, I believe men are currently confused about their role as a man, in and out of the bedroom.

With all the above in mind, what often happens to men, is they learn to connect with intimacy and sex as a sexual process, rather than a sensual experience. For many men, sex is a learned behaviour  (through the media etc) that comes from their head, instead of their heart.  It can be surrounded in masculine ego and macho culture, so it comes as no surprise that men receive so many mixed messages about sexuality, sexual energy, and how to show up as a man.  

Many of the men I meet and have worked with through my tantra work want something different. They generally want to leave ego at the door, be more connected to themselves, be more present with life and more connected to the experience of pleasure. Many of men I work with want to learn about connection and many long for some aspect of allowing, receiving and surrendering, whatever that may look like for them.

Men, hear me, please listen. Intimacy and pleasure are a heart-based experience, NOT a head-based experience.  The problem comes in that the pressure and focus on sex being a ‘performance’ is making some men ill.  It does not help that a man’s genitals are more exposed,  external and visitable, which in many ways can make them feel very vulnerable. The visibility of the genitals can create anxiety, tension and stress within the body and the mind. There can be a sense of pressure to be a certain size, have a healthy erection, and maintain it. There is a fear of being judged if things unfold too quickly or too slowly.

All of the pressures from upbringing, size, and performance can create stress, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. This in turn can cause erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and other conditions.  

Tantra invites you to grow in consciousness and be more connected to intimacy, full body orgasms, better health, and more energy. It advocates empowerment, self-connection and conscious communication with self and others.  This deeper consciousness can be achieved through greater connection to the senses, breathwork, mindfulness, self-awareness and generally a more conscious connection to self. Tantra is about surrendering and being present in your body at every moment. It is being connected to yourself as a man and letting go of the ego and macho energy that does not serve you. Tantra connects you to your feelings, your sensuality, your body, your passion, your intuition and your inner wisdom. For some men, this can sound very ‘fluffy’ and very feminine, but know when you drop the judgement, and embrace the experience, magic can happen in ways you never imagined were possible. Tantra provides a new way of experiencing intimacy and pleasure and provides a doorway to a conscious connection to self and others.

If you are a man who would like to explore tantra, why not join me on the ‘Tantra for the Male Body’ workshop and other events listed on www.orgasmiclife.me

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CONSCIOUS COMMUNICATION AND CONSENT.

Conscious communication and consent can be complex and I can pretty much guarantee every single human-being, no matter who they are, finds navigating them a challenge throughout their entire life. 

The issue is that we don’t always know what we want and if we do we don’t have the interpersonal skills to ask for it. We don’t always know how to say “no” or navigate communication about our needs, both in intimacy and life. 

Take some time to consider the following questions:

Do you ask family and friends, including children, if they would like to receive a hug before you hug them?

Have you ever been hugged by someone at work and not wanted it?

Has someone ever touched your hand, arm or face and it made you feel uncomfortable?

Have you ever wanted to say no in intimacy and not said it?

Have you ever wanted to stay stop in the act of sex but didn’t  in case you offended? 

I know there will be many YES’s because the understanding around conscious communication and consent is NOT something we are born with. We learn it from early childhood modelling our interactions on those around us.  Many of us don’t take action to learn this skill and use it in our life to have heathier relationships. 

My awakening around conscious communication and consent really started when I started to explore swinging and BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism). I made some poor choices within these lifestyles, sometimes putting myself into some risky situations. I made some very naive and awful mistakes around conscious communication and consent 

I learnt very quickly that I needed to approach my interactions differently, communicate differently and be empowered in consent.  I went through a very steep learning curve very quickly.  It was a challenging part of my journey and one that left many scares on an emotional and physical level. 

Conscious communication and  consent are needed for EVERY relationship we navigate in life. It is the basis of every positive human interaction and relationship. It forms the foundations for all good healthy relationships and impacts on all areas of life.

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Shaking the Taboo in 2022

Something needs to change. I don’t believe it is fair on us or future generations, if we carry on reinforcing the social shackles, and being socially irresponsible, around not talking about sex. 

Our society is crumbling at its very seams with people becoming more and more disconnected from their core essence, sensuality, their physical bodies, and each other. It has to change. 

Our continued lack of openness around sex, sexuality and sensuality is numbing society and creating disconnection, disempowerment and dis-ease for many in their lives. They are numb to the experience of life, the pleasures of intimacy, and the connection to sensuality. They don’t have the language or ability to communicate their emotions, needs, wants or desires. They are embarrassed to explore sensuality and fearful to discover the joys of their own body. 

Sex is still a taboo – it has to be shaken off in 2022

When I tell people I am a Sexual Empowerment Liberator and Tantric Practitioner I am usually met with one of three reactions. It is either one of intrigue and curiosity, or awkwardness and embarrassment, or dismissive with an air of disgust.  My assumption when I started that I would be met with disgust was unfounded.  People DO want to have a place to talk about sex. They may feel awkward, and slightly embarrassed, but most people I speak to are intrigued and curious. 

People need better platforms to discuss sex, sexuality and sensuality and not be entangled in our taboo cultural and societal distaste. Most of us can watch ‘sex’ based programmes on TV with a partner (OMG don’t even start me on how sex is represented in the media) or watch or read about sex, but very few of us have open conversations, even with our partner, because it is taboo and we worry about their reaction, rejection and judgement. 

I personally had a secret life around sexual energy for over 20 years, and having been on my own journey with fear, shame and judgement – I get it. I know how hard it can be to openly talk about your needs, desires and openly explore sex, sexuality and sensuality.

Many of us are programmed to politely follow the cultural values around sex,  and the belief that sex should not be talked about in front of anybody. Many people feel sex should be something very private, in a bedroom, between two people and not discussed at any point. I, on some level, agree and respect this view as sex can indeed be something very sacred, private and intimate between two lovers.  

BUT, sex can mean different things to different people and in a broader term can also be experienced in other ways. Our often-narrow view that sex is about intercourse, and our inability to communicate our needs, around sex, sexuality and sensuality means we miss out. 

Sex, sexual energy and sexuality are not just about the act of intercourse. It is SO much bigger than that. It includes sensuality around exploring with smell, touch, taste, sight and sounds. It is about foreplay, energy, exploration, mindfulness, massage, kink, tantra, even art, fashion, and so much more

In my work I see people living in fear and shame, riddled with guilt and worry, and in turmoil about their sexual needs, sexuality and sensuality and disconnection from their body. I have clients discuss with me things they are too scared to share with a partner.  I watch tears roll down the faces of those who feel disconnected from their body, and support many who have never truly experienced sensuality and the pleasure of their body because they were too scared to ask, or receive. 

Sex, sexuality and sensuality are all about connection, self-identity, self-empowerment, self-expression and communication. They are about pleasure, desire and exploring our amazing physical body – none of which should be taboo. If we can’t talk about sex then we can’t openly and confidently communicate our boundaries and needs. If our needs and desires are not met we become disconnected and then shut down in the relationships with ourselves and others. 

Not openly and consciously talking about sex, sexuality and sensuality is detrimental to the mental well-being of individuals and society as a whole. We have a responsibility to ourselves and the next generation to be empowered in our sex, sexual energy and sensuality. We have a responsibility to start talking more about sex, sexuality and sensuality and shake off the taboo in 2022.

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Conscious Self-Empowerment

Conscious Self-Empowerment for Young People

My name is Lorraine Crookes, I am a sexual energy practitioner and educator and best known as The Sexual Empowerment Liberator, I give voice visibility and connect to sexual energy and as an expert in my field, I have transformed the lives of people struggling with poor mental health, challenging relationships, body trauma, abuse, medical conditions, and sexuality.

Empowering young people to live a safe, fulfilling, and healthy life is part of the vision.  I want society to finally drop the judgement, fear and shame around sex and sexual energy. I have supported hundreds of adults suffering from poor mental health, challenging or toxic relationships, body trauma, sexual abuse, related medical conditions, and many other challenges. All of which are as a result of fear, shame, poor interpersonal skills, or a general lack of good sex education.  This should not be part of today’s world.

I am deeply passionate about empowering young people to have conscious, confident, and connected relationships with themselves and others. I want to empower young people to be skilled in conscious communication, have a deep understanding around intimacy, sex and relationships, and enjoy sex as a natural and healthy part of adult life.

I have a background in teaching health, social care and wellbeing. For over two decades I taught in secondary education, eight years as a middle leader. Within my career roles I delivered many aspects of sex education and I am aware of the challenges schools and young people face around sex education.

With this knowledge, backed by my own personal journey of challenges around sex, sexuality and conscious sexual energy, I now empower others to have healthier relationships with themselves and others.

Through my work I have become an international speaker, International best-selling author, and an expert in my field; empowering thousands of adults struggling with their sexual energy.

The ‘Conscious Self-Empowerment Programme’ supports young people in conscious communication, intimacy and relationships. It is made up of three modules that take an educational, interactive, fun, and honest approach to sex education.

The programme empowers young people though open conversations, non-invasive interactive experiences, and proactive opportunities to explore and ask questions in a safe and supported way.

If you would like to know more please see visit the website or contact me for details: Info@shelki.com.