Posts in category: Self care

I have written about this before but feeling really called to address it again – so here I am.

Men can face a lot of worry and anxiety around sex, I work with this energy alot. Many often worry about the size of their lingam and suffer anxiety around their performance in bed. They can often feel as much pressure to perform in the bedroom, as they do in other areas of their life. 

For men sex and intimacy can become a very masculine power-based, goal orientated energy. Alongside this they may also worry about feeling too sexual and to sexually driven. They can suffer anxiety around understanding their sexual needs, fantasies and desires. 

Sex and intimacy can create a lot of stress, tension and anxiety for men. There is often a constant internal and external pressure which is exhausting and draining. I have worked with men where this pressure around size, ability and performance has had devastating effects on their mental, physical and sexual well-being. It has created so much stress, anxiety and tension in their life that many of them have become very ill and/or had repeated failing relationships.   

When we introduce tantra into a ‘mans’ world we can celebrate the divine masculine power in a new way. Within tantra a man has permission to connect to his inner self, the five senses, breathing, slowing down, relaxing, giving and receiving pleasure. When a man is given permission to let go of control they can discover intimacy in flow, and without ego. They can become more connected to a journey of discovery and less connected to a destination through performance.

In tantra the beautiful macho powerhouse has permission to let ego step aside. He can find a space to be present with himself and ‘what is’. There is no need to control, and no need to always be the giver. He has permission to surrender and receive, which I acknowledge for many men is not always easy. 

Within tantra men can learn how to relax, slow down and be confident with their body. In tantra men can learn how to set aside their ego, let anxieties simply melt away, and enjoy the moment. They can learn how to receive pleasure and surrender to what is in each moment. They can drop the traditional ego based, performance focused powerhouse energy, as it is not required. 

Tantra can help men build an amazing connection to their body, energy and emotions. They can become more intimate in their connection with themself, and with others. It can help men who may feel insecure, have low self-worth and feel stressed. It can also help with low libido, performance anxiety and low body image. Tantra can help reduce stress, help manage emotions, and help relax mind and body. It can release any unwanted energy and trauma, and can be enlightening in showing many of the beautiful possibilities intimacy and pleasure has to offer. . 

I have worked with men and tantra and seen men connect to something within them they never knew existed. Their power found in their very willingness to surrender to themself. 

I have worked with men who have realised they don’t have to chase life because they are life. Men who have found compassion, love and truth within their own being. 

I have worked with men who have expanded their heart energy so much that life as they knew it changed beyond all recognition. Men who knew there was a different way, and found it. 

When a man opens himself up to tantra, when a man can give himself permission to receive into his mind, body and soul, when a man is open and willing to come home to himself, when a man can be vulnerable with his emotions and be present with an experience, that for me is indeed a mighty and powerful man. 

Copyright © 2022 Shelki (trading as Orgasmic Life).

As human-beings, we are all designed for connection. We all seek a connection with other human-beings as a baby and child, and continue to do so throughout our entire adult life. Connection can come in many different forms; sexual connection is just one form. 

For some men, sexual connections can be very overwhelming.  There is a lot of pressure on men (and to be fair on all of us) to conform to the societal and cultural expectations around sex and intimacy. This, along with some distorted values and morals from our upbringing, a lack of good sex education, broken and abusive relationships, and many other factors, I believe men are currently confused about their role as a man, in and out of the bedroom.

With all the above in mind, what often happens to men, is they learn to connect with intimacy and sex as a sexual process, rather than a sensual experience. For many men, sex is a learned behaviour  (through the media etc) that comes from their head, instead of their heart.  It can be surrounded in masculine ego and macho culture, so it comes as no surprise that men receive so many mixed messages about sexuality, sexual energy, and how to show up as a man.  

Many of the men I meet and have worked with through my tantra work want something different. They generally want to leave ego at the door, be more connected to themselves, be more present with life and more connected to the experience of pleasure. Many of men I work with want to learn about connection and many long for some aspect of allowing, receiving and surrendering, whatever that may look like for them.

Men, hear me, please listen. Intimacy and pleasure are a heart-based experience, NOT a head-based experience.  The problem comes in that the pressure and focus on sex being a ‘performance’ is making some men ill.  It does not help that a man’s genitals are more exposed,  external and visitable, which in many ways can make them feel very vulnerable. The visibility of the genitals can create anxiety, tension and stress within the body and the mind. There can be a sense of pressure to be a certain size, have a healthy erection, and maintain it. There is a fear of being judged if things unfold too quickly or too slowly.

All of the pressures from upbringing, size, and performance can create stress, anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. This in turn can cause erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation and other conditions.  

Tantra invites you to grow in consciousness and be more connected to intimacy, full body orgasms, better health, and more energy. It advocates empowerment, self-connection and conscious communication with self and others.  This deeper consciousness can be achieved through greater connection to the senses, breathwork, mindfulness, self-awareness and generally a more conscious connection to self. Tantra is about surrendering and being present in your body at every moment. It is being connected to yourself as a man and letting go of the ego and macho energy that does not serve you. Tantra connects you to your feelings, your sensuality, your body, your passion, your intuition and your inner wisdom. For some men, this can sound very ‘fluffy’ and very feminine, but know when you drop the judgement, and embrace the experience, magic can happen in ways you never imagined were possible. Tantra provides a new way of experiencing intimacy and pleasure and provides a doorway to a conscious connection to self and others.

If you are a man who would like to explore tantra, why not join me on the ‘Tantra for the Male Body’ workshop and other events listed on www.orgasmiclife.me