mindfulness sex

Mindfulness Changed My Sex Life

I can say without any hesitation that discovering meditation has been one of the greatest gifts I have given myself, my body, my mindAbout four years ago, my life faced some complex challenges. Without a shadow of a doubt, meditation and mindfulness saved me. It helped me manage my day-to-day stress and my feelings and emotions. I was able to approach life with more optimism and from a place of flow and connection.

Practicing meditation helped me be in the moment and accept things for what they were. Things I used to find a challenge became passing moments.

I have really loved my journey with mindfulness and regularly connect with nature, savour my food, be present with my body in the shower and really embrace the flavour of a coffee. The craziest thing is that being more mindful and having these activities has also helped my sex life.

Mindfulness is powerful stuff, but I was completely shocked when I realised it had also changed my sex life. By simply connecting with nature, savouring my food, being more present with my body, embracing a cup of coffee, I learned so much more about my mind and body and all the senses. It had a knock-on effect with pleasure and intimacy.    

Getting out of my head – made me better in bed.   

My sex life completely changed. My insecurities and worries faded away, and I am now wholly present in every moment. My senses feel more alive; sex is a sensual and whole experience filled with pleasure and curiosity. I am expanded and connected to my energy. I feel into my body and savour every second of being present in each moment.

I can communicate my needs better, surrender, and be present with what is and who I am with. I feel more expanded and connected. I am more present with self-exploration and self-pleasure and understand my body in a completely different way. My mind wanders less, and there is no fixed goal or outcome. I am on a journey that has no destination – I am present in it. I feel so empowered in intimacy, whether alone or with someone else. 

Mindfulness in sex is a must and works within the Tantric principles I follow with ease and grace. To find out more, explore www.shelki.com for workshops, courses, coaching, connection and more.

 

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Menopause and Tantric Massage

Menopause and Tantric Massage

Menopause can be a complex transition and for many women. They can feel disconnected from their bodies, sex, and intimacy.   Despite many women transitioning through menstruation, pregnancy, birth, and motherhood, menopause is a unique stage of transition. Every woman experiences it differently, and it can impact on mind and body in many ways. It affects a woman’s sexuality, sensuality, and sexual energy and can leave women feeling a deep mix of emotions, and many women struggle with the physical changes.

In my work, I have found that tantric massage can profoundly help women struggling with menopause to reconnect to their sexuality, sensuality, and sexual energy. The experience of combining both touch, massage, rituals, breathwork, mediation, and meditation can be extremely empowering and life-changing. It can empower a woman to connect with the body’s inner whisper and wisdom and reset the desire for passion and pleasure. I have worked with female clients struggling to transition to menopause to find an inner goddess and radiate like they have never done before.

Clients have found the tantric massage and its practices positively transform their menopause. They have permission to explore their connection with their body with no guilt, fear, or shame. It can also support issues such as pain, dryness, night sweats, hot flashes, vaginal dryness, anxiety, and loss of libido by seeking alternative ways to connect.

Tantric massage gives a woman a safe space to reconnect to her body and encourages self-exploration in a safe and supported way. It empowers communication, supports setting boundaries, and reconnects the mind and body to receiving touch. Women I have worked with also feel empowered in the self-care rituals and in considering new ways to connect to touch and physical connection to self.

Tantric massage supports reconnection with womanhood, helps rebuild the trust in the body, and empowers a woman to embrace her natural sexual self. It empowers her to rediscover her body all over again and helps with a balance of mind and body. It provides a renewed sense of intimacy with the body and builds confidence in relationships with self and others.

When delivering Tantric massage to a woman in the menopause transition, I have been amazed and astonished at the transformation they have experienced. As different as menopause is for every woman, so is their connection with tantric massage.  The one common theme is that in connecting to their body and mind through tantric massage, they connect, or reconnect, to a part of them they often believe they have lost, or they discover a new and exciting part of them to be explored and celebrated.

sex and meditation

Sex and Meditation

Meditation and sex may not seem to go together but there is surprising news……they do! Meditation and using the breath can actually improve a persons sex life in a big way.Meditation and using the breath in meditation has been part of my personal journey and self-discovery. It is also something that when typed into Google, it can lead to some interesting reading and research!

Our mental state in sex is very important and so is being present with the experience. Meditation has been found to increase desires, arousal and lubrication particularly for women and also help all of us switch off from every day life while being present with intimacy.Sex can often become something we do on auto pilot, a bit like when we drive a car. You know the day, and we have all done it, when you are driving and arrive somewhere and have no idea how you got there – in fact you don’t even remember getting in the car, driving it, changing gear or parking…….ever done that in sex?

We can all have times when we are so pre- wired to do things the same way that we don’t even worry that we are not present with the experience. Sex, like many aspects of life can become a routine, we can just run on auto pilot and not be present in honouring ourself, or our partner.It doesn’t matter if you are alone in intimacy, or with someone.  Being present with your amazing body is a great way to start being becoming more connected. You can do this by focusing on your breath and don’t wait to start – you can practice this during the day at any time to allow it to become a habit. Let’s face it, we need to be more present in many aspects of life.Concentrate on the flow of air through your nose and mouth, the feeling of the belly rising and falling. If you do notice that your mind has wandered you can bring yourself back to your body with the breath.Anchor yourself into a moment and be present with sensations in your body and be present moment to moment, if you practice the breath, you can retrain yourself and then do it without any conscious thought.Being present with the breath is a form of meditation and this can reduce the amount of cortisol in the brain, reducing stress and increasing libido.

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EXAMPLES

Exercise One – Allow your chest to expand. Take a deep inhalation through your nose. Retain your breath for a count of 5. Slowly release your breath by exhaling through your nose.

Exercise Two – Inhale for a count of 5. Exhale for a count of 5.

Exercise Three – Keep the mouth closed, inhale slowly through your nose for 2 counts. Shape your lips as though you were going to whistle and exhale slowly by blowing air through your lips for a count of 4.

 

 

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My Daily Self Care D0’s

There was a time in my life when I thought those who ranted about self-care were lazy selfish people who were just into the fluffy mushy stuff as a way to avoid hard work and the real world. I don’t think that any more – in fact understanding self care probably saved me from being very ill.

Learning about self-care showed and helped me to slow down, be present in my life and most of all – how to be happy. It is now something I do every single day, to get me in flow so I can be the best possible version of me. I now believe it is selfish NOT to carry out self-care because when I care for myself, I can help others in a more productive and supportive way.

For me having good self-care is now a non negotiable – it is an everyday MUST ! 
My 12 personal daily self-care DO’s are all based around things I NEVER did for myself before, but honour myself with now.  Maybe there are a couple you can add into your self-care!

LORRAINE ‘S DAILY DO’s 

  1. I start each day saying good morning to myself and smile
  2. I have breakfast
  3. I treat my physical body with appreciation – walk – dance – move – stretch
  4. I don’t compare myself to others – love me for me
  5. I practice breath work, meditation and/or mindfulness
  6. I never believe all my thoughts – some trick me into staying small and safe – that’s boring 😉
  7. I celebrate my wins in life – big and small 😉
  8. I do what makes me happy and lights me up EVERYDAY
  9. I treat others as I would want to be treated
  10. I am patient with myself – I am ever evolving
  11. I remember I can say no (with love) – if I don’t – my yes is worthless
  12. I write things down – diary, journal and I love a list 😉

 

 

 

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Crystals, Chakras and Tantric Massage

I have used crystals in my own life for many years and sometimes include them in my Tantric Massage sessions.

I place them on my altar, ask clients to hold them in a session, meditate with them, and place them on blocked chakras and even massage with them.  Crystals have a vibration and frequency and as a result of their molecular structure can absorb negative energies, much the same as humans. Just holding crystals and connecting to what you want can awaken your energy centres (known as chakras) and create a flow of energy that supports you.

Crystals can work through the blocks sending vitalizing energy directly to the chakras and freeing us from old stagnant, tried and negative energy.

When working with sensual and sexual energy it is important to unblock and recharge both the base/root chakra and sacral chakra because they harness and house the key to our sexual energy.  The heart chakra is also important for love and connection.

Different crystals can connect with different chakras, normally based on their colour. The base/root chakra works with mainly red crystals. It is situated at the base of the spine, closest to the earth and houses the “kundalini” life force. It helps us with being grounded and works with the mantra ‘ I exist’ and honours living life proudly

The sacral chakra works with mainly orange crystals and is situated  in the lower abdomen. It is connected to passion, sexuality, intimacy, pleasure, money, creativity, and joy. When balanced, it allows us to improve our relationships with ourselves, and others. The sacral Chakra mantra is ‘I desire’ and honours living your passion.

The heart chakra works with mainly green and also pink crystals and is situated in the heart centre. It is connected to love and compassion and when flowing freely it supports healthy relationships and connection. The heart chakra mantra is ‘ I love’ and honours being open to receive love.

Some crystals that support sensuality and sexuality include:
Red Jasper
Invigorates the libido and prolongs sexual excitement (male). 
Orange Carnelian
Recharges the sacral chakra energy, enhancing sexuality and restores vitality to the sex organs (female).
Dark Red Garnet
Dissolves any blockages that might exist in your lower chakras. 
Pink Rose Quartz
Opens the heart to love and trust between partners. It also helps increase self-love.
Smoky Quartz
Helps you accept that sex is normal, healthy and enjoyable. It helps to cleanse your sexual centres so that energy can flow freely.