Communicating During Intimacy

Talking about your likes and dislikes in life is quite easy until it comes to talking about intimacy. Many of us find it hard to express what we want in intimacy because we don’t want to upset or offend the person we are with. We might be worried about being rejected and can find it difficult and awkward to talk about what we want.Despite it being difficult to talk about, it is very important to be able to express ourselves in intimacy. Talking about things before, during, or afterwards can greatly improve the experience and also help explore boundaries and consent.

Communication Tips

Be patient and understanding when exploring and try not to make anyone feel inadequate.

Be positive in sharing instead – focus on how you do want to explore rather than creating a list of dont’s.

Be clear about what you want, so your partner does not have to second guess or try to read your mind

Support a partner and guide their hands on your body and show them how and where you want to be touched.

Agree to always hold space for the other to say no to anything you don’t feel comfortable with, without judgment

Be open to new things and don’t judge a partners interests or desires when they share – We are creative human beings.

Tell your partner if you’re hurting or in pain. Honour them and yourself by being honest.




Erectile Dysfunction

Having a condition that challenges his masculinity and his power, strength, control and vigour can be devastating. I have worked with many men who have suffered with erectile dysfunction and many have said it is in many ways worse than a marriage break up or losing a job. It impacts on not what they are but who they are. As a woman, I have no equivalent or comparison to arousal, orgasm and penetrative sex being all centred around having a hard penis. I don’t feel my sexual identify is judged on my sexual arousal or the physical structure of my genitals.

For me as a woman these things do not determine my pleasure or my performance.  For a man this is very different.  Erectile dysfunction challenges men’s masculinity and causes a lot of anxiety, fear and shame. Some men try medical approaches such as Viagra, penile implants or vacuum devices or other more alternative approaches such as hypnosis and acupuncture. These approaches can often be found to alter the stiffness, but don’t address the deeper issues around connection to self, mind-set, behaviour and self-awareness. They don’t address the energy or the cause.  From an energy perspective, erectile dysfunction is based around the emotion of guilt and shame and a lack of connection with the penis.

Energetically this can be linked to a number of things.

Examples include:

  • Unconscious thoughts and connections relating to childhood.
  • Relationships that challenge performance in any area life.
  • Relationships that challenge Feeling of being unsuccessful.
  • Feeling of weakness, guilt and shame when connecting to feminine qualities
  • Feel invalidated as a man.
  • Feeling a failure if/when their energy is controlled by the feminine.
  • Feeling that they can’t break away from a situation for fear of having no connection.
  • Feeling disconnected from being able to express themselves in sex.
  • Needs, wants and desires are challenged.

A combination of tantric massage, mindfulness, breath work, energy work and coaching can help change this.  As a practitioner I use the Energy Alignment Method and other energy modalities to help people change thoughts and beliefs and tantric massage and mindfulness to help reconnect back to the body. The emotions can be triggered at any time and can detach us from our body and cause dis-ease. These tools explore the energy behind the condition and help change the anatomical make up that causes such physical conditions.  If you would like to know more about how Shelki supports men with erectile dysfunction please email:





Men Deserve Better !

MASCULINITY– the way men are brought up to behave and the roles, attributes and behaviours that society expects of them – contributes to suicide in men.


This statement is from a 2012 report by the Samaritans – BUT things have not changed. Samaritans in 2018 reported men are 3 times as likely to die from suicide than women and this has to STOP NOW!

Please lets STOP the message that showing your emotions is for girls and not manly. Lets STOP the message that ‘boys don’t cry’ and that they have to ‘man up’. These messages destroy lives.

As many of you know I work in transforming sexual energy through tantric massage and energy work. I work with both men and women in tantric massage and work on a deep level allowing clients to connect to their physical and energetic body. It is a beautiful honouring massage with rituals, meditations and breath work.

As energy moves through the body clients can experience a range of emotions and feelings. For some men this can be very new territory and feel scary. A lot of my male clients find it difficult to explain, express and communicate what they are feeling. They struggle to go deep inside and don’t always have the language to explain what they find when they get there. They get embarrassed if they get emotional and verbalise they need to ‘be a man’ and ‘stay in control’, ‘be strong’ and if they don’t they loose part of your masculinity – this has to change NOW!. it’s WRONG

The most amazing and strongest men I have met are those connected to their emotions. They show their vulnerability and express their feelings. They are empowered, and don’t hide behind sport, work and sex as a way of expressing and letting their emotions out. They can be a man, be vulnerable and be connected to who they are. All at the same time.

For those of you thinking things have changed. WRONG.

Please comment and share your thoughts, insights and tips and please post an emoji if its something you will support to change with men you know !